Freebirds, We Need To Talk

"Stef Schrader" (stefschrader)
05/20/2015 at 23:11 • Filed to: first world problems, Freebirds, Sweet Leaf Tea, foodlopnik, burritos, sadness

My race car was built on Sweet Leaf tea and Freebirds burritos. This is the absolute best combination in the universe: the sweetness of the tea balances out the spiciness of the burrito, and all is well. Now you’ve swapped the Sweet Leaf with a less sweet tea vendor, and no sir, I don’t like it. Change it back. Now.

Look, Freebirds, you’ve been making some questionable decisions lately. First, you got rid of my poblano salsa, which was one of the most delicious add-ons that you could ever put in a vaguely Cali-Tex-Mex-ish chain burrito. You’ve hence come up with neato seasonal salsas that are sometimes great (the current roasted salsa) and sometimes not (the failed attempt at a Salsa Doña clone that was just odd, gloopy, and heinously over-garlicked), so it’s almost a draw there.

Then, you redesigned the menu. No more tie-dye. No more “pot brownies” jokes or labels on the brownies that were cooked in a pot (allegedly). No more Super Monster on the menu. What is this, Chipotle?

Granted, you recently did a cool thing by adding tempeh calabacitas to the menu so that vegans can now experience rectum-scorching burritos that actually have tasty protein. Rejoice, non-meat-eating types, and come eat burritos with the rest of us.

You also moved your headquarters to Austin from California, which is pretty awesome. Both locations are equally offending to aggies who [falsely] claim Freebirds as “theirs” just because they had the first location in Texas. While the HQ hasn’t sponsored any local 944 race cars yet (boooooo), I must welcome our new burrito-providing neighbors.

But the latest change is near-unforgivable: a swap in tea vendors.

See, Sweet Leaf is good. It fit Freebirds’ Austin move well: this delicious sugary tea company is also based here in town, and gained a huge following at local events like SXSW. It’s Austin to the very core, and forgoing them for a different vendor is farting in the general direction of the location to which you have moved.

It’s also a good fit for the state where Freebirds has many outlets: Texas. One friend who works in natural foods claimed that he couldn’t give Sweet Leaf away up north, but it was super-popular down south. We like sugary tea. Deal with it.

The tea in its place is Honest Tea, another crunchy all-natural feel-good tea vendor. Problem is, Honest Tea isn’t very sweet. It’s good, but it’s nowhere near the fitting companion for a big burrito that Sweet Leaf was—especially in Austin! There’s not even a peach tea anymore, and peach tea is the best.

If all of these changes are the result of Freebirds trying to move away from its image as unhealthy munchies, I have some stern advice for the now-local company: please don’t.

We love you because you’re not Chipotle . Chipotle, for the record, sucks. The ethical sourcing angle they’ve got is neat. The food itself is a bunch of gross sodium-bombs dressed up in crunchy packaging with too few choices for burrito fillings. This happy cow meat might’ve been delicious if four tons of salt wasn’t dropped onto it at Chipotle, and what kind of a two-bit operation doesn’t even have queso? Terrible.

Please, Freebirds, stop taking away delicious burrito-filling choices and trying to go all healthy on us by taking away our beloved sweet tea. This is Texas. That plan will fail. Embrace thy munchie-addled image. You’ve moved to a town that has a giant statue of Willie Nelson, so round brownies-from-a-pot gags and tie dye kitsch won’t offend us. And keep adding delicious things to the menu. Choices are good! We like tons of choices in our frankenburritos, which is why we’re not at Chipotle instead.

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But most of all, bring the Sweet Leaf tea back. Burritos need sugar: fact. Why on earth do you think Mexican Cokes do so well at taco trucks?! It’s certainly not because we’re worried about the ‘beetus.

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Contact the author via burrito cannon, and burrito cannon only .

Also, read more !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

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DISCUSSION (31)

wunderwagen wants a longer roof > Stef Schrader
05/20/2015 at 23:17

I’ve never been to Texas, nor this Freebirds place, but Sweet Leaf is vastly superior to Honest Tea. I also agree that Chipotle is shit, especially compared to my favorite TexMex place Moe’s Southwest Grill which is an hour away from me now :(

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > Stef Schrader
05/20/2015 at 23:19

I've never liked free birds. It's disgusting, and way too salty for me. Full disclosure: there is one 3 minutes away in my neighborhood, and I'm in NorCal.

For Sweden > Stef Schrader
05/20/2015 at 23:22

Oppo has a new official byline

GhostZ > Stef Schrader
05/20/2015 at 23:22

What coordinates should I use for my burrito cannon?

PowderHound > Stef Schrader
05/20/2015 at 23:22

Such a bummer they got rid of the pot brownies. Also, the last time I went there the workers sucked. The girl making my burrito was visibly and audibly disgusted when people walked through the door.

Stef Schrader > For Sweden
05/20/2015 at 23:25

Brtritos?

blackchair > Stef Schrader
05/20/2015 at 23:25

1. Sweet Leaf is the BOMB! I have tears reading about it going away. T_T

2. (San Antonio native) I was pretty excited to finally have a Freebirds up here in Utah, but the second I walked in I was completely confused. Something was different. The menu.. the cleaner look and feel.. I seriously stood there for a good five minutes while the employees just stared at me wondering if I'm going to go with a cayenne or flour tortilla. I walked out without saying a word.

Stef Schrader > PowderHound
05/20/2015 at 23:27

They didn’t get rid of them here, but they’re far less enticing now that they just sit on a little shelf and are wrapped in squareish plastic. They look so sad! They’re delicious, and need the form-fitting Saran wrap back. Put ‘em in a metal pot with a tie-dye sign explaining the funny round shape and I can’t resist.

71MGBGT Likes Subarus of Unusual Colors > Stef Schrader
05/20/2015 at 23:29

Freebirds is love, Freebirds is life. I live in Isla Vista where the original one is and it’s kick ass. Quesaritos are the best thing ever!

For Sweden > Stef Schrader
05/20/2015 at 23:29

#COTD

NotRustyShackleford > Stef Schrader
05/20/2015 at 23:38

Are you in/around College Station?

Birddog > Stef Schrader
05/20/2015 at 23:42

Once you reach “Chain” territory things go downhill quick. Some Gringo comes in analyzing the “Bottom Line” and spouting out about “Margins” and he ruins it all..

Luckily Chicago and it’s burbs are littered with Mom and Pop Burrito goodness.

Stef Schrader > GhostZ
05/20/2015 at 23:52

Puffenhausen.

Your boy, BJR > Stef Schrader
05/20/2015 at 23:53

http://tenthaveburrito.com

Bro do you even?

Wurrwulf > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 00:21

During my family’s evacuation to Houston during Katrina, there was a bowling alley and a Freebirds in the immediate vicinity of our hotel. I was 17.

To say that I was a convert to the ways of the Freebird would be a massive understatement. I wished and wished that one would be built in New Orleans, but almost a decade has passed and well, no Freebirds.

Stef Schrader > NotRustyShackleford
05/21/2015 at 00:28

Oh no no no nononononno. That place only gets my presence occasionally because racetrack.

Austin.

Agrajag > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 00:50

It’s amazing how much sweet teas can vary in flavor. The idea is to taste like liquid sugar with a hint of dehydrated leaf.

Directions:

1. Make shitload of tea

2. Add sugar til it tastes like sugar

3. Chill

PowderHound > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 01:14

We actually have the exact same thing as pot brownies they just took out the word pot.

Stef Schrader > PowderHound
05/21/2015 at 01:20

Yes. It does nothing to explain the shape! “Weirdo muffin pan brownies” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Stef Schrader > Your boy, BJR
05/21/2015 at 01:23

Ooh, if we’re talking regional chains, this is a good burrito: http://www.taqueriasarandas.com/

This is a very good burrito.

Your boy, BJR > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 01:32

Next time you’re in the NJ area for whatever the gawker media overlords demand of you hit me up, we’ll go to tenth ave, I’ll show you that just ‘cause we’re in NJ, that doesn't mean we can't make a killer burrito.

BJohnson11 > 71MGBGT Likes Subarus of Unusual Colors
05/21/2015 at 02:06

Nothing beats the original. I ate a Freebirds up in San Jose once and it was just so wrong.

real127 > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 03:21

I. Fucking. Love. Freebirds. I lived in Houston for like 20 months and in that time I probably bought 200 monster burritos (before I learned how to cook I was going 3 or 4 times per week -.-). After moving back to New England I swung by a Chipotle and it was horrible. Just horrible. Like wet trash awful.

71MGBGT Likes Subarus of Unusual Colors > BJohnson11
05/21/2015 at 03:29

You a Gaucho?

NotRustyShackleford > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 07:56

Fair enough. Some of your posts seemed too familiar. Just wave randomly next time you come into town.

captdownshift > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 10:06

Irony is the fact that I've been in contact with Honest Tea about sponsoring Porsche racing, as they're local to me (Bethesda, MD). My guess is that Freebirds now has a deal with Coca Cola to include only their beverage offerings, which would be ashame as Texas is home to the best soda offerings in the lower 48. Sidenote, I'm a big fan of Sweet Leaf, but am yet to experience Freebirds.

BJohnson11 > 71MGBGT Likes Subarus of Unusual Colors
05/21/2015 at 10:34

Nope, I go to Cal Poly SLO. But I grew up in SB.

Stef Schrader > Your boy, BJR
05/21/2015 at 18:50

Bring to NJMP, plz. I need moar laps there.

Stef Schrader > captdownshift
05/21/2015 at 18:51

Yay! It’s good tea, but just a bad match for burritos.

Your boy, BJR > Stef Schrader
05/21/2015 at 19:55

You shoot me a tweet when you're around, and I'll bring the burritos.

captdownshift > Stef Schrader
05/22/2015 at 08:48

I agree, it's good stuff, but definitely not sweet. I don't feel guilty about drinking it from a calorie side (although weighing in at 270lb and starring at the bottle of Simply Orange in front of me, apparently I rarely do). But I agree there are definitely some food options where you need the sugary contrast. There's room in the market for all teas, except Peak, I'd rather drink Peak antifreeze over Peak tea.